To My First or Last Love,

"I know, I question things too quickly... But I have never questioned if I've loved", says the song that I can't get out of my head... Probably because I keep listening to it. I know, I'm incorrigible.

I have questioned if I've loved. Sometimes. All the time, I guess. There's always that small voice in my head that whispers, "How can it be love if it didn't work out? Love is never supposed to end."

Am I wrong? I suppose the romantic in me would exclaim, "Yes!", with flaming eyes. But how sad is that thought? To be twenty-four and to never have loved. Such a sad thought.

I keep questioning myself. And I never really know for certain. There are days when I am completely and terribly sure that I have once loved and have once given it my everything. But there are days when I am unfortunately certain that I don't know what love is and that I've never felt it nor have I ever given it.

But then again, I suppose either way, I've failed.

If I've never loved then I have failed, not to say that I can't love in the future, I can, but to live in this earth for all this time and to never have loved. I must have failed in some sense.

...And if I have loved then I have also failed. To love with such purity and passion and to allow losing it. Then in the best sense, I have failed.

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.", as the saying goes, but having looked at both sides of it, I can honestly say that It's not better.

With love, there is no consolation prize. There's just love. No past tense. Just present and future.

And so here's to the future, whatever it may hold... Know that I love you, whoever you are... Wherever you may be, I'm just here waiting for our life to begin, heart on my sleeve and everything.


As Always,
D.