Dear Anyone,

Would you judge me if I told you that I'm getting drunk? Of course it is already after lunch, so your judgment should be lessened. Isn't what they always say in movies, "It's not even noon yet"? Pfsh. It's after noon. But you know what? If it were up to me I would be sauced-up 24/7. 'Naturally, you would tell me that, that's not such a smart thing to do... I imagine you'd say I'd just be throwing my money away, but seeing as I'm a cheap drunk, I don't think I'll be throwing much. A couple of shots and I'm good to go. Of course, I am a functioning alchoholic (or at least that is what I tell myself). Hey, if I can blog while drunk, then I can do anything. I'm a friggin' superhero.

What is it with this insane need to just lay it all on me? I can't deal with this. I may appear capable, but I'm just not strong enough. And I know that sounds selfish, but I just... I didn't ask for this. I don't want it. I'm tired of having to take everything that you give. And the saddest part is... I can't even talk to anyone. I'm alone in all of this... You just throw things at me and leave. And I'm just left standing here with all your crap. I'm a dumpster that the dumpster truck just doesn't bother to pick up anymore because there's just too much. It's my fault, I guess. Because I am always ok with anything and so anything and everything just comes my way... And I don't even notice it, but I'm drowning in anything and everything.

I'm not equipped. And though I tell you and everyone else that I am ok, I'm just not equipped to deal with this. I've got my own stuff to figure out. I can't figure this out for you. I'm not even supposed to! I'm not your therapist. I'm a girl that's just as confused as you are, probably even more. And I don't need this type of psychological torture. And from you. You're supposed to be my safety. My haven. My home. I know that you don't mean to... But you've become the opposite. And you have to stop it, before it gets any worse, if that's even possible, because I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I'm on the verge of a breakdown and you don't even know. I've fallen off the wagon. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I love you. I just... I can't deal with this.


As Always,
D.


P.S.: Somebody pour me another friggin' drink.