Dear PostSingle,

Today, two friends talked to me about the pressing issue of being single. ...And though I get that a lot, and it often gets old, I really didn't mind talking about it with these two because they were sort of on the same boat.

Friend #1: Musta ka na?
D: Ok naman. Ikaw?
Friend #2: Ito dramadramahan.
D: Hahaha. Pareho lang tayo.
Friend #2: Single ka din?

Yeah, and I've been single for six years. Fancy that? It scares me a little bit. Relationships, I mean. No, I don't intend to be single forever, but to actually enter couplehood slightly worries me. I'm terrible at relationships. The truth is I think it was when I was in a relationship that I was probably the worst version of myself. But, even with that knowledge, I still want to be in a relationship. A real one. And I want to prove to everyone and most especially to myself that I really am capable of handling it well. ...enough.

Friend #2: I have a friend who met her boyfriend last August. Two months later they got married. How's that for romance? I never really thought that it was possible 'til I saw it for real.
D: Yeah... Well, when you know, you know. You know?

I don't know if I've said this before, but I feel like I know too much... And though that knowledge keeps me from either wasting my time, or wasting someone else's time, or worse yet, getting deeply hurt, I feel that the same knowledge is keeping me from probably gaining more knowledge by making mistakes. I find that I'm always trying to be on the safe side... All. The. Darn. Time. And by looking at a circumstance from the onset, if I'm not able to find an emergency escape route, I probably won't get into it.

Maybe I want too much... I want to know, when I know, you know? It's that certainty that just comes to you, I guess. And I want to get into a relationship that has an emergency escape route that I will never need. Because I want to be in it for good.

It's funny, because I usually complain about being single and I attribute it to the lack of men... But that's not entirely true... There are a lot of men, they're just ... wrong. They'll just waste my time or I'll end up wasting theirs. And they also can't hurt me. ...Yeah, you read that right. 'Cause, see, a guy who can't hurt you deeply isn't worth the trouble. He really isn't.

And so therein lies my problem... There are a lot of men. And any of these men are possibly capable of really hurting me.

...I just won't let them.

So yes, I'm single.


As Always,
D.