Vain Reminiscence

I like to re-read things that I've written.

Yes, it is a vain act. But have we forgotten that I am a narcissist?

It's a funny feeling when I go through archives... I sometimes find myself going, "Crud. I wrote that?!?!".

Either because, I realize that some things never really change.

"

To be seen, but not touched. To be heard, but not spoken to. To remain pure, but covered in that dirty water that everyone seems to be intrigued by.

It's about being there, but not really. Being yourself, but not really. Being private, but not really.

...

...Yes, I'm selfish. Evasive, too.

"

Aquarium
The Desert Pearl

Or because, at the time, it meant nothing, but now, it seems brilliant...

"
Pride is a hysterical thing. It's funny seeing it manifest itself in different ways. And I know that makes me sound like a bitch, but who the f cares?

It's absolutely beautiful.

If you watch and listen closely, you'll laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Take for example, when people say that they don't care. The very act of having to say that out loud negates it's essence. Because you want people to know that "you don't care". But you do care. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't say anything. You wouldn't need to tell anybody that you don't care, because you don't care. You would just be silent and not care.

I know this for a fact, because I've done it many times. And it's absolutely hilarious.

"

Danabelle in Nude Shorts

Inside Dana's Head - Multiply

Or because since most of the things that I put out there are about nothing or no one specific and everything or everyone in general, I myself tend to forget the cryptic message that I left on there and I can't seem to remember what that particular write-up was about...

"

I screwed up, because, I'm starting to excel at not giving a crap. I would actually tell you of all the minute little details expressing why that is, but really, I don't give a crap.

"

I screwed up...
Inside Dana's Head - Multiply

Or because it was about some other completely different circumstance, but can now be applied to current circumstances...

"

There are some things that when they happen, leave you dazed and confused. I've gone from place to place wondering when I'll be able to stop and just feel for what is happening, instead of over-analyzing it and allowing myself to get lost in that.

Not that I really feel anything, anyway. I'm a rock. Desensitized from all the things that have come and gone. But that's not exactly the point.

The point is, no matter how hard you try to escape the inevitable, it will catch up to you and bite you in the ass. And you realize that what you've spent all this time aspiring for is not really what you want.

There's something about a war that it sometimes makes enemies come together and fight for the same cause, but at the same time, it sometimes allows for best friends to become the worst of enemies. It brings people closer together. And it tears families apart. War is never really a good thing. The worst part is when you're waging a war against yourself. A fight to keep sane. A fight against what you believe is right and what seems right for the moment. A fight to live for what you want and wanting the life that you're living.

There's nothing worth fighting for and that which are would be destroyed if fought for. It is fragile, breakable, and will shatter at the slightest touch. Yet the fight for it has begun knowing full-well that it might not survive the harshness of what is going to happen and what was bound to happen.

There's something about a war... And what it is, is best left unwritten.

"
There's something about a war...
Inside Dana's Head - Blogspot