Would you like some sauce?

As incoherent as I may seem to be on most days, I almost always try to make up for it by pretending that I am an artist, merely introducing a few abstract thoughts. ...Sometimes, I'm successful ...Most of the time, people just think I'm drunk or simply out of my mind.

For the past few weeks, I seem to have been asked repeatedly about what I want in a man. What's there to like? They're hairy and they smell. I kid, of course. Sometimes, I wish I were a lesbian... I think it would be easier to live with a girl. Easier to talk to. Easier to understand. Easier period. Ah but alas, I'm a true blue heterosexual who wants a penis preferably attached to the hairy smelly neanderthal person-type thing.

Seriously, I want a man who's smart enough to make me feel foolish, but wise enough to lovingly teach me what I don't know. I want a man with the cojones to actually say to me, "Hey, little girl, you better listen to me, because I'm right", and a man who has enough authority that I would actually listen to him. I want a man who can be a good enough provider so that I can stay at home and serve him. I want a man who's strong enough so that I can be weak.

Ten years ago, if you had told me that this was what I would end up wanting, I would have called you a liar and I would have yelled at you with red glaring eyes and smoking ears that you're a chauvinist daydreamer and that this would never happen.

Funny how your world turns on you. In more ways than one... I thought for sure that I would be a lawyer. A no-nonsense officer of the court who uses words like objection, injunction, and sanction and Latin phrases like, Quid pro quo, or Res Ipsa Loquitur, or Consensu omnium, or De facto... Didn't realize I'd end up as a freelance photographer with a day job that obscenely screams what-the-heck-are-you-doing-here?-seriously. Oh well... That's part of the beauty of it all, I guess. The not knowing.

Oh how I wish I could speak as eloquently as I write... I also wish I was as beautiful as my words seem to be. Impolitic, yes. Brazen, maybe so. Audacious, definitely. But all in all, despite its undaunted quality it's covered with such allure and just the right amount of confidence and pride that it just won't let you look away.

Hence, the reason that you are still reading up to this point.

I started this piece not knowing where I was gonna go with it. Didn't realize I'd actually end up writing about this. But here I am now with a few re-arranged paragraphs here and there. Confused but with no regrets.

Res ipsa loquitur... I may seem incoherent and possibly sauced up, despite the fact that I am sober... But judging from what you've just read, I guess you can just call it de facto inebriation.

Or you know... Whatever.