Dear Fe,

I miss you. I just wanted to say that first, before I forget. It's funny how we've only known each other for such a short period of time, but I feel like I've known you forever.

I'm alright now, by the way. I guess I was just momentarily sucked in by the past. I felt terrible, but at the same time, I felt good, because I felt just how I wanted to feel I guess. Maybe I really am happiest when I'm miserable and maybe that's not just a line I conjured up. Maybe it's true.

Ah feelings... People say that you can't choose how you feel. But that's not true. Sure, when the feelings come rushing in, you feel somewhat powerless, but the truth is, the feelings just came rushing in too fast, leaving you stunned, not powerless though. The key is to prepare yourself for when they come in, so that you can hold on to something for dear life or fight it off with all your might.

Unfortunately, I don't think I've prepared myself enough... So here I am a decade later right back where I started. Wanting to talk to whoever's concerned and ask every question that needs an answer. But I know that I won't like what I'll hear... If I'll ever even hear anything. So close and yet so far is probably how it will always be. With me always trying to get closer, but being fought off, for reasons that I will never know.

My timing's always wrong. I was too early and so I bided my time, hoping that one day I'd be on track. I must have gotten lost along the way, because before I knew it, I was too late.

"Why didn't you wait for me?!", I wanted to scream, but "I was almost there...", was all that I could whisper.

I miss the hope. I am no longer that girl that I used to be. The girl that could believe in something so deeply that nothing could sway her. I know too much now... My innocence was taken from me with such inconsiderate force that there's no way for me to bounce back... I think some souls are just meant to be lonely, just to keep the balance of the world in tact.

And although I have let this go a million times before and probably will keep trying to let it go and get my rhythm back... I have a sinking feeling that I might have been right. Maybe I was destined to love him forever.

...He just wasn't destined to love me back.


As Always,
D.