Dear Coworker,

The 2-feet rule should have been written out in the employee handbook. The rule being that everyone should stand at least 2-feet away from everyone else. Furthermore, the KYHTY rule should also be placed in the handbook, which stands for "Keep Your Hands To Yourself".

Now, since the rules aren't in place, I can't really do anything to you (i.e. get you fired). All I can do is write you this letter.

And so can I just say that I hate you. Definitely. I'm using the word hate here, because I am thoroughly annoyed by your very presence.

We are not friends. If you think we are then you've got another one coming. How dare you touch me? ...And while I am on the phone! It's one thing that you disturb me while I'm working like mad to meet a deadline, but it's another for you to just reach over my desk and try to pinch my cheeks.

WTF?

What the heck are you on?!?!

We are in a professional environment, so act professional, will you?

You try coming near me again and I promise you I will pinch you where the sun don't shine 'til it turns purple and make you scream bloody murder until your vocal chords rip.


As Always,
The Ornery Version of D. at Work