Of why the UAE killed my lovelife and other Valentine related crud...

I hate February. I wish we could just fast forward to March and skip all of this lovey-dovey-heartheart nonsense.

Yes, I am bitter. I'm not going to deny that everytime I see couples I feel like punching their lights out and spewing the contents of my gut all over their seemingly perfecty perfect romance.

I hate February.

I wasn't always like this. I remember a time when Valentine's was something that I actually looked forward to. A day where I can greet everyone "Happy Valentine's Day!" with a genuine smile on my face.

...But gone are those days. These past few years, I wish Valentine's Day never existed.

Don't get me wrong. I'm fine with being alone. In fact, I'm happy to be single... Truth be told, for about a decade, I was and am glad that I was alone during the hearts season, because I had a reason to be. I was holding that day out for someone. And I was so adamant about it that I even broke up with an ex during Valentine's Week, then got back together with him afterwards... But that was then, now I have no reason for saving this day... And everytime this day comes, I feel like my singleness is being rubbed in so hard that it leaves a big-ass bruise on my shattered ego.

And being in the U.A.E. doesn't help. It's because I've recently realized that, although finding someone to love is hard anywhere... It is most especially harder here. And most especially for me. And here's why...

Currently there are about four million people in the UAE. Given my preferences of not being attracted to Middle Easterners, South Asians, and Levant Arabs that immediately rules out three quarters of the population. Oh and my preferences aren't really because I'm a racist, it's more of a bone structure thing... I'm just not attracted to them. I'd actually liken it to looking at a woman, in the sense, that I can see and appreciate their beauty, but I'm just not attracted.

So, I'm left with a million people. Out of that one million, we have to rule out the women, because I'm not a lesbian. I'm now left with six hundred and fifty thousand. Rule out all the married ones and I'm now down to two hundred thousand. Out of that two hundred thousand, we have to rule out another one hundred thousand, because those are the men who say they're single, but really they're not. Now, we have one hundred thousand men and only 5% of those would share the same interests. Out of the five thousand that we have left, 30% of those would be underaged, 25% would not meet the height requirement, 23% will have the same sexual preference as I do, 20% will be in a relationship... Which leaves me with a hundred men. And with that hundred, only 10% will share the same faith. I now have 10 men. Divided over seven emirates and given my schedule, I only have a 0.1% chance of being in the same vicinity of one of these men on any weekend.

0.1 PERCENT!

...I may have a higher chance of writing a New York Times' Bestseller than meeting any of these men.

I hate February. Not only does it make me feel more single than I already am... It's also made my nose bleed with all of these numbers.

Penge nga ng tissue.