TopTenTuesday - The Art of Degradation

Top ten tips to effectively insult someone

1.
There are two effective ways of insulting someone - One is making sure that they understand the insult so that it actually sinks in and shatters their very being, the other is leaving them absolutely clueless, but utterly intrigued that it kills them a little everyday.

2.
Insults are different from compliments. Compliments can be generic and will be accepted by anyone at anytime (humbly or otherwise). Insults should be custom made to fit with the person. I, for example, will not be insulted if you call me a "bitch". I would probably even take that as a compliment.

3.
K.I.S.S. stands for keep it short & simple. This does not apply to insults. The longer, more descriptive and succinct an insult is the better. Don't just settle for "You bitch!", instead go for something along the lines of, "You are a wonderful excuse for a bitch! You're a prostitute in a suit. You may look great, but you don't fool me. You good for nothing two-timing whore."

4.
When insulting someone make sure your grammar is pristine and without blemish. Mucking up, while insulting someone is an ultimate no no. If you speak excellent English, denigrate someone in English. However, if this is not the case, denigrate them in the language you know best. Even if they don't understand the language (see number 1), sometimes it's even better that way.

5.
The element of surprise plays a great part in disparaging someone. Hit them when they least expect it, you too will be surprised at their reaction.

6.
Be humorous. Being insulted while someone is laughing at your expense works fabulously.

7.
Be persistent. If at first you don't succeed... Keep talking.

8.
Talk fast. Don't give the person you're insulting the chance to defend himself/herself.

9.
Not very good at talking... Write it out. Written insults are great for two reasons. One, you don't have to repeat yourself and two, it's always going to be there. Permanently inked in paper or saved in your blog. If you are giving out a letter, make sure you save a copy. Old insults can be used for inspiration when writing out new ones.

10.
Be calm. Insulting someone and watching them fall apart is best when you are cool as a cucumber. Being a drama queen/king and angrily shouting out obscenities at someone will get you nothing, but raised eyebrows and the general public thinking that you are a lunatic. When you swear, swear with class.